Source: google.com
via Melinda on Pinterest

It took me until maybe five minutes ago to realize that I completely forgot about yesterday's Come October post. And now I've been running around all day and I'm totally exhausted, so I don't even know what to write.

Wednesday's post was pretty much a good enough update on how I'm feeling about my OB visits (reminder: HORRIBLE), and not much more has happened besides. So like I said, I'm at a loss.

Anyway, I'm 29 weeks as of yesterday, totally anticipating 30 because it just sounds so awesome, and then 31 because I get to say that we're in the single digits (week-wise)! I can't wait for Mark to get here. I'm anxious and stressed and just going totally, absolutely crazy with everything.

We've got so much for him and more coming and I know we're going to have everything we need. But I still feel unprepared...still, I don't know if I'll ever be completely ready. And I can't wait!

Oh, and he discovered my ribs yesterday. I think I'm dying. Owwww.

I'll have more to talk about either tomorrow or the next day. Tomorrow is my baby shower! Daniel has been excited (it's cute!) and I'm excited. I just don't know if I'll have time to post afterward because I'll be cleaning up, and I usually take a nap during the day which I won't get to do, so I don't doubt I'll pass out early. I feel old saying that.

I hope my camera's charged, ah! I need to go check that out.

I'm officially in the third trimester!

84 days left until I'll (hopefully) have my baby here with me; that fact is both amazing and terrifying. I can't believe I'm going to be trusted with a little life...I really hope I do this right. I hope that I don't eff him up.

Source: weheartit.com
via Laura on Pinterest

I mean, of course not. I'm confident. (Pffft.)

I'm not even going to lie, I kind of really love being pregnant. I hated it at first, of course, because I hated being sick all the time. But now I know that I would absolutely do it all over again. I'd do it even if I was told that it was going to be absolutely the same sickness-wise (although I do hope that it won't).

I will say, though, that some days I feel so absolutely cute, and others I feel terribly disgusting. And sometimes I'll cycle through both (maybe back and forth repeatedly) within the same day, but whatever.

In the end, I really do love it all. And I'm going to love actually holding my baby and getting to feel his gorgeous skin a million times more than just being able to feel him kick through my own. Even though that already feels like the most magical thing in the world. Imagine that - a feeling that will outdo the best feeling I've ever known. Incredible.

I love you, Mark, and I love your daddy, so much that I could never properly explain it.



PS: Had to do my glucose test today. The drink didn't taste as awful as I expected it to, but it gave me a headache. And now I'm ridiculously tired. This might be written pretty horribly because I'm so out of it. I also totally fucked up while driving and almost got us side-swiped because my brain is just done for the day.

Also, Daniel got his permit yesterday. He'd been putting it off because he didn't feel like he was going to pass and he seems to just give up under pressure, but he did so damn well. I'm proud of him. And I took him driving today and he did very well with that, too. Except I was nervous and I think I made him nervous and he might have gotten irritated with me for it. I feel really bad.

Lastly, I've gained 11 pounds. I feel like an elephant, but the doctor kept repeating how good that was. He even turned to Daniel to tell him a few times. It felt a little strange, how hard he was trying to convince us of that.

As of yesterday, there are exactly three months left until Mark is due. And today I'm 27 weeks - hello third trimester! I'm so excited I just can't stand it. I'm ready to get everything moving already, except of course things have slowed down considerably. I mean, the pregnancy really felt like it flew by up until 24 weeks, but since then I feel like it's been forever. I don't exactly know why.

I'm not extremely sad, though; I'm definitely enjoying having Mark in my tummy for the time being. I'm loving the kicks and the punches and the rolls, and I love getting responses whenever I push on my stomach. I love feeling little knees and elbows and fists through my skin whenever he stretches. I love knowing his sleep schedule so that I can almost predict the times that he's going to be moving for me. I just love knowing he's there.

At the beginning I said that this was the first and last time I would ever be pregnant, but I'm a total liar. I know I'm going to miss this, and I know that someday I'll put up with all of the aches and pains and morning sickness, and of course the incredible fears associated with pregnancy, just to feel this magic again.

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Source: loveology-photos.xanga.com via Melanie on Pinterest

Honestly? When I thought about how big ol' 2011 was going to start and end, this wasn't my ideal situation. I didn't expect to get pregnant two weeks into the year I'd be turning 21 - oh, I didn't - and I didn't plan on having a baby on the way out of it. But now that it's all come to be, I wouldn't trade any of it. I couldn't be happier, and really, I couldn't be any luckier.

I don't regret the timing, either. I mean, I panicked when I found out. I cried. I still have moments every once in a while where I think about the enormous responsibility that I'm going to have and it always leaves me feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I definitely wasn't ready - or at least I wasn't prepared.

But things happen and when they do, everything eventually falls into its place; life made me ready. I've changed a lot in such a short time and I know I still have a lot of adapting to do, but I always will, won't I? No matter the particular situation, things are going to continue changing. Forever. And I just really can't be afraid of that.

I may always wish that I had more before Mark came; in fact, I'm absolutely sure I will. But when it really comes down to it, we have (or at least are going to have) everything we need for him. He has his mommy and daddy, we have a place to live and, soon, a car. We already have a ton of diapers and a tub full of clothes just waiting for him - and more to come. We have a crib and a few toys. We have a family and numerous friends who just cannot wait to meet him. We all have so much love for him.

We're on the right track. And when it really comes down to it, life is good; it's as perfect as perfect can be when you have something this enormous thrust at you unexpectedly (or, come on, maybe even if it had been expected - this is a human life we're talking about. There's only so much you can plan).

I know it's going to be hard, oh do I know it, but I'm ready now.

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Updated: I actually took a picture today! Of my stomach, I mean. Actually I've taken a few, but I've never shared one here, so I thought I might for once.

27 weeks today. :)

Nothing terribly exciting, but I've been meaning to do so. 91 days until he's due!

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I'm home. I stayed two nights at the apartment with Boyfriend instead of the one that I was originally planning. It was nice.

We went all lazy bones and slept until noon today, and then woke up and walked to Baskin-Robbins to get ice cream. I had some of this nonsense called "Rock n' Pop Swirl Sherbet" - grape and apple sherbet with pop rocks mixed in. The grape was green and the apple was purple, and it was all just kind of "what?"

I can't have ice cream because of my problem with puking up all things dairy (sigh...), but I really wanted some and Daniel hadn't had ice cream in forever and a day, so I shot for this.

via baskinrobbins.com 

It was obviously made to grab the attention of little kids and I personally thought it was way too sweet, which Boyfriend didn't really understand because "sherbet is the sweetest ice cream." But luckily I got a little bit of my regular raspberry/orange/pineapple combo and I was like, "NO - taste this. It's way more sour-ish." (I know, I rock at explaining things.)

But anyway, he agreed and thought it sucked after tasting the second one. And yeah, that was my Saturday afternoon.

The apartment is only a few blocks from Main Street, so it's kind of cool being within walking distance of things to do every once in a while (even if everything closes early - like 5pm - on most days). And he's right down the street from the library! This is probably only exciting to me, but it's totally going to be a plus once I move in.

I went to a graduation the other day, which I mentioned in Thursday's post. The baby kicked every time anything was being shouted over the speaker, and I can't decide if s/he loved the noise or hated it. By the time it was over I was totally in pain, because my back is apparently just done with all of my shit right now. It was nice getting to see a few people who I haven't in a while, though, so there's that.

I wish I had taken pictures, but of course I forgot my camera. Sadface. I really need to charge the thing and start carrying it with me, because I haven't really gotten any photos in a while. Hm, to-do list.

Also! So y'all know, I was going to create a page where I could feature your buttons, but instead I decided to allow you to link yourselves. Head here to do so.


PS: I changed my header again. I know, I know, I should really stop doing that, but I'm terribly indecisive and have a lot of time on my hands right now.

You know what’s disappointing? Not being able to eat what you want. I can’t have dairy without puking for the rest of the day, and I don’t even have morning sickness anymore! And of course I’ve been craving cereal just because I can’t have real milk, and the taste doesn’t satisfy with any substitutions. It’s disappointing, to say the least.

Also, I hate pregnancy dreams. Why is it that all of a sudden I’m having some off-the-wall or terrifying dream on a nightly basis? Before this, odd dreams only cycled when I was terribly sick, but now I wake up constantly with my fears played out, new ones established, or with odd memories that I just never needed indexed. It’s odd.

Last night’s was more frustrating than anything: I dreamed I was walking across town with the twins (they weren’t mine – my dad’s girlfriend has twin boys and I for some reason conjured them up as infants) and was carrying a car seat in each hand. Of course there wasn’t a stroller, and I was constantly dropping things. My hands were too full to retrieve the things that were falling, and the children needed to be fed at the same time. Then one of the car seats broke so that I had to physically hold one boy in my arms and juggle the others’ seat at the same time. I woke up before I got to where I was going, still frustrated over the fact that everything had just fallen out of my bag.

I think a lot of my dreams come to be because of the fact that I’m so freaking nervous. Although I’m only halfway to holding this baby, the closer and more excited we get, the more scared I am inside. I hope I’m not a terrible mother. Daniel reassures me constantly, and I know that I have a general knowledge of what I’m supposed to do – I won’t be one of those mothers who has never held a child until their delivery – but I’ve never had one constantly in my presence, who is my complete responsibility. I feel completely unprepared. But I know I can do this. And I hope I can do it without making any huge mistakes.

Does other peoples’ behavior during your pregnancy confuse you? Half of the people I used to see on a regular basis are no longer in my life, and then a ton of people that I hadn’t spoken to in years all of a sudden want to talk to me on a daily basis. Not that I mind too much – it’s nice to have people who are excited with you when you’re expecting your life to change so drastically, and to know who your true friends are before you’re responsible for another life (and who you’re bringing into it).

But then there’s the touching; I swear, since I first got the news people have wanted to touch my stomach, as if the minute it happened there were magic in there. I mean…no, that’s not what I mean. Of course something that I have so much love for is going to feel like magic to me.

What I mean is: what were they expecting to feel at six weeks? I understand that we all get excited about babies, but I’m sorry, there are times that I just don’t want you rubbing all over my midsection. We’re not lovers. It wouldn’t be acceptable if I weren’t pregnant, so I don’t know why it should be now that I am – especially when the baby isn’t even moving. I have stand there all awkwardly while they try to feel for something that they aren’t even capable of feeling, because it’s too early or the baby’s sleeping or whatever. It’s weird. At least wait for me to say, “The baby’s kicking!” and invite you, I beg.

I can’t wait until we find out what we’re having. I can’t wait to call my baby a he or a she, to decide on a name that I can refer to it as, instead of just saying ‘the baby’ every ten seconds. I don’t want to call my child an ‘it’ so I avoid it as much as possible, but ‘the baby’ gets to me a mouthful if you have to say it three times in one sentence. Not to mention the fact that it sounds so…impersonal. Knowing will make it easier to connect with my child, too. I’ll finally be able to start collecting things for him/her that aren’t ‘gender neutral’ and to better picture what I’ve signed myself up for.

This little one kicks constantly now, especially when I’m trying to sleep. Sometimes they’re strong enough to be a little uncomfortable – not painful but to where it freaks me out a little. That’s mostly because I have some strange fears, though, like the fact that I don’t like people touching my spine because I picture it snapping, and so the kicking makes me feel like I’m being bruised and etc. from the inside. It’s just weird. And now you know that I’m weird. Okay.

I’m totally excited that I’ve established new followers and received comments in the last few days. If you’re one of them, you’re awesome, and it’s very likely I’ve followed you back – but if I didn’t please tell me, because I meant to.

And for those of you who are just visiting, comment and tell me that you were here as well, and whether or not you’re following. I’ll make sure to pay you a visit in return. I'm a huge blog nerd and I'd love to check yours out.

Okay, so from the first time I felt this baby kick (from the outside at least - I was never really sure if that was what I was feeling inside and therefore didn't get too excited about it), I've been madly in love with my baby. Before that experience, I sort of only mentioned the pregnancy in passing. I honestly think I was afraid of bad omens, and of making a big deal out of something uncertain. I mean, all I knew was that I was puking my guts out. I didn't feel like there was a tiny person inside of me.

But now I know for a fact that there is, and holy wow is it starting to feel strange. I feel like there's a fish in my stomach. Or popcorn popping or something. I feel like an aquarium or a microwave and nobody's warnings could have prepared me for this.

Thirteen weeks

I know that it's just going to keep getting stronger, and I'm honestly so happy that I was able to feel this baby as early as I did. Everyone warned me that, being my first pregnancy, it wouldn't happen until much later, but I know I finally accepted what those flutters really were at about 17 weeks, and I know that just a week or two later I felt my baby kick my hand. And then it was real.

Let me just say that there are a lot of girls around my age whose babies are due in October and November of this year, and that Daniel and I have kind of been watching from the sidelines as they all grow and experience and enjoy. Like I said, I've felt the baby. I've seen the baby via ultrasound once, a day before thirteen weeks. But even those whose due dates are behind mine have already learned the sexes of their children. Their stomachs have already begun to show hints of what it's up to. I feel like I've been lagging behind.

It's weird, isn't it? That this is pretty much the one time in a woman's life that she could possibly be disappointed by the fact that her stomach wasn't any larger when she woke up today?

Anyway, I was woken up early this morning with a desperate need to use the restroom (because my bladder is obviously shrinking) and...seriously. It's not a huge difference, but it's finally starting to show. I'm not to that cute stage yet that I can't wait to get to so I just kind of feel like I ate too much. But hey, I have something to at least start getting excited about.