I'm officially in the third trimester!

84 days left until I'll (hopefully) have my baby here with me; that fact is both amazing and terrifying. I can't believe I'm going to be trusted with a little life...I really hope I do this right. I hope that I don't eff him up.

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via Laura on Pinterest

I mean, of course not. I'm confident. (Pffft.)

I'm not even going to lie, I kind of really love being pregnant. I hated it at first, of course, because I hated being sick all the time. But now I know that I would absolutely do it all over again. I'd do it even if I was told that it was going to be absolutely the same sickness-wise (although I do hope that it won't).

I will say, though, that some days I feel so absolutely cute, and others I feel terribly disgusting. And sometimes I'll cycle through both (maybe back and forth repeatedly) within the same day, but whatever.

In the end, I really do love it all. And I'm going to love actually holding my baby and getting to feel his gorgeous skin a million times more than just being able to feel him kick through my own. Even though that already feels like the most magical thing in the world. Imagine that - a feeling that will outdo the best feeling I've ever known. Incredible.

I love you, Mark, and I love your daddy, so much that I could never properly explain it.



PS: Had to do my glucose test today. The drink didn't taste as awful as I expected it to, but it gave me a headache. And now I'm ridiculously tired. This might be written pretty horribly because I'm so out of it. I also totally fucked up while driving and almost got us side-swiped because my brain is just done for the day.

Also, Daniel got his permit yesterday. He'd been putting it off because he didn't feel like he was going to pass and he seems to just give up under pressure, but he did so damn well. I'm proud of him. And I took him driving today and he did very well with that, too. Except I was nervous and I think I made him nervous and he might have gotten irritated with me for it. I feel really bad.

Lastly, I've gained 11 pounds. I feel like an elephant, but the doctor kept repeating how good that was. He even turned to Daniel to tell him a few times. It felt a little strange, how hard he was trying to convince us of that.

As of yesterday, there are exactly three months left until Mark is due. And today I'm 27 weeks - hello third trimester! I'm so excited I just can't stand it. I'm ready to get everything moving already, except of course things have slowed down considerably. I mean, the pregnancy really felt like it flew by up until 24 weeks, but since then I feel like it's been forever. I don't exactly know why.

I'm not extremely sad, though; I'm definitely enjoying having Mark in my tummy for the time being. I'm loving the kicks and the punches and the rolls, and I love getting responses whenever I push on my stomach. I love feeling little knees and elbows and fists through my skin whenever he stretches. I love knowing his sleep schedule so that I can almost predict the times that he's going to be moving for me. I just love knowing he's there.

At the beginning I said that this was the first and last time I would ever be pregnant, but I'm a total liar. I know I'm going to miss this, and I know that someday I'll put up with all of the aches and pains and morning sickness, and of course the incredible fears associated with pregnancy, just to feel this magic again.

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Honestly? When I thought about how big ol' 2011 was going to start and end, this wasn't my ideal situation. I didn't expect to get pregnant two weeks into the year I'd be turning 21 - oh, I didn't - and I didn't plan on having a baby on the way out of it. But now that it's all come to be, I wouldn't trade any of it. I couldn't be happier, and really, I couldn't be any luckier.

I don't regret the timing, either. I mean, I panicked when I found out. I cried. I still have moments every once in a while where I think about the enormous responsibility that I'm going to have and it always leaves me feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I definitely wasn't ready - or at least I wasn't prepared.

But things happen and when they do, everything eventually falls into its place; life made me ready. I've changed a lot in such a short time and I know I still have a lot of adapting to do, but I always will, won't I? No matter the particular situation, things are going to continue changing. Forever. And I just really can't be afraid of that.

I may always wish that I had more before Mark came; in fact, I'm absolutely sure I will. But when it really comes down to it, we have (or at least are going to have) everything we need for him. He has his mommy and daddy, we have a place to live and, soon, a car. We already have a ton of diapers and a tub full of clothes just waiting for him - and more to come. We have a crib and a few toys. We have a family and numerous friends who just cannot wait to meet him. We all have so much love for him.

We're on the right track. And when it really comes down to it, life is good; it's as perfect as perfect can be when you have something this enormous thrust at you unexpectedly (or, come on, maybe even if it had been expected - this is a human life we're talking about. There's only so much you can plan).

I know it's going to be hard, oh do I know it, but I'm ready now.

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Updated: I actually took a picture today! Of my stomach, I mean. Actually I've taken a few, but I've never shared one here, so I thought I might for once.

27 weeks today. :)

Nothing terribly exciting, but I've been meaning to do so. 91 days until he's due!

Tomorrow is Daniel's first Father's Day. At least in that way that everyone's going to say it to him even though he doesn't actually have a baby yet.

He says that he doesn't feel it, and I kind of feel like that's my fault. I'm afraid I don't spend enough time with him.

There are a lot of reasons we don't live together yet: I don't have a car, I don't have a job, and living with roommates just makes things difficult. They don't exactly understand that circumstances are different now, and that I need things to be different because of that. So while I want to be there - badly - I also want to wait until we can get a place of our own, where I can do what I need to do without having to fight for it. This is something we're hoping to work toward by the beginning of next year.

Honestly though, I'll probably just move into the apartment before then, because I really want him to be around his baby. Without having to travel all the way across town. And without having a set amount of hours that he can do so. We'll see how everything goes...I'm really torn.

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At our last appointment, my doctor stressed the fact that I need to drink plenty of water because the number one reason he's seen for early contractions is dehydration. He assigned Daniel to be my 'water monitor'. Now Daniel keeps reminding me that he holds the title while handing me a bottle of water or texting me to remind me that I'm probably thirsty. I find it to be incredibly cute.

He's going to be a great dad. And with how happy he is about it, I'm sure he feels it more than he thinks he does.