Today I'm 34 weeks and, what, 3 days pregnant? I have 39 days left until the due date. I can remember reaching the 100 day mark and being so excited. And then getting into the 60's and that exciting me, and I remember talking about the fact that I couldn't wait to cut that in half, to get into the 30's.

Welp, yeah, now I'm terrified. I told this to my OB the other day and all he said was, "It's your first baby? Well, honestly? I think you're going to find it really boring." You know, all that 'first labors are longer' and 'you'll find the pain isn't as bad as you expect it to be.' Thing is, I don't know if I should feel comforted or completely unrelieved. I mean, he had to check first...he probably knew that I wouldn't believe him if I had done it before. Ha!

But seriously, I hope I can get through it. And I want to do it with the epidural, have I ever explained that here? Obviously there are fads now with this, but that's not why I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it because it's so many major fears all wrapped up into one really, really scary procedure! I'm terrified of needles and I'm terrified of people touching my spine (they want to stick a needle into my spine nononono). I'm also afraid of even having my mouth numbed at the dentist because it takes forever to wear off and I feel like I'm never going to gain feeling back again. Why would I want that done to my whole lower body? And then what if the hospital catches on fire or the roof caves in and I can't walk? HUH? What then?

Okay, so I hear hospitals have wheel chairs and that maybe someone would help me out of there. But that's not the point. The point is nonononono.

Daniel thinks I'm ridiculous. I think I'm saving my own life. (Haha, drama.)

Moving on... I'm sorry. I know I say that a lot lately. And I know that I said my computer was back up and that I was going to be posting more, and yet I still missed...well, a lot. Things have been super crazy lately. I'm having a baby, dude. I have to prepare for him and I don't even know how to do that sometimes.

Daniel moved out of his apartment (problems with the roommates...it's a long story) and is staying with friends, so I'm still in my 10x10 room in my dad's house, where I have to fit not only whatever furniture I want to keep - I mean, the room was already filled to the brim - but also whatever I can stuff in here for the baby. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to do it, and I'm going insane hoping for an apartment soon. Or at least just more space, wherever we end up...sigh.

We're pretty much ready, though, as far as things go. Mentally? I don't know if I'll ever be completely prepared there. This is so new and I'm still really afraid I'm going to screw something up, but hopefully I raise him well enough that he can at least function properly in society. Oh man, I'm terrible.

How are all of you? What am I forgetting to say? Let's get back to chatting like we used to...ask me some questions or something, remind me what I'm forgetting to share. For me this is all old news, and I can't remember whether I've said things on here or just been repeating them so many times in other conversations that I feel like I have, ya know?

Mark's perfect by the way. Perfect heartbeat, growing perfectly. He's going to be gorgeous. :)

HOLY!

I'm sorry. I've missed too many of these! When was the last time I posted, like 29 weeks? Sigh.

I know I've been really bad at posting lately, especially because the days since my baby shower have been pretty chaotic. I've been back and forth and here and there and having my things blow up, and I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. My days have been so productive, though - I have a ton of things finished that I've needed to do for months.
And we of course had the shower! We got so much stuff we needed...more than I have the space for but all things we needed, which I appreciate more than I can express. Mark has more than enough clothing to last us the first few months of his life, enough diapers for a good period of time, a few toys, all of the large things we need. We have a car seat, a crib, all of those essentials, plus more extras than I ever could have asked for. I'm super appreciative.

As far as the shower goes, I had a lot more people show up than I expected. I love you all, by the way, and thank you! We had these little sandwiches cut up into take-and-go pieces, chips with dips, and a gorgeous cake that my aunt and uncle made (they bake for events). I should totally include a picture of this, shouldn't I?

Loved it. :)

My mom put together a few games, including one where the guests were given a little pin to wear throughout the party and weren't allowed to say "baby." If they did, you could steal their pin, and the one with the most pins at the end won. There was one where you have to find the little safety pins in a bowl of rice, one where the guests had to answer trivia questions about TV shows (related to children, of course), and...I can't remember if there were more or not.

Each time someone won a game, they were given a little gift basket with body washes and perfumes and whatnot inside.

And lastly we did a diaper raffle - one box of diapers got you one entry into the raffle, and for that we gave away the biggest basket. It was cute and I had a great time.

At the very end of it, my grandma surprised us with the truck. I cried, I'm not even going to lie.

I had an interview about two weeks ago, which they just decided to call me for out of the blue (after applying months ago). I went into a hair salon the night before to get a decent cut for the interview, which I hoped I could sneak in and out of without drawing an extreme amount of attention to my midsection. I was wearing the baggiest shirt in my closet and the first thing the stylist asked? "So when is your due date?" Shit. No hiding that, then.

On further note, things are going great. I'm getting huge. Here, I'll prove it:

I'm enjoying it, though. Daniel is adorable and likes to cuddle and talk and sing to my tummy. Mark, of course, always moves when he hears his voice, no matter how absolutely still he's been beforehand. It's the most amazing thing and I can't get over it. I know they'll have an immediate bond.

No interview for Daniel yet, but we're waiting on the arrival of the papers telling him whether or not there's going to be one! It should be here in the next few days (if not already!). If there's nothing, we're going to look into a few other positions, though probably not with the county (at least not yet...he will eventually get in there, we just need to find the right timing).

Also, we got the truck at the baby shower! (Did I mention that already? I'm almost certain I did...) And Daniel got his license! I'm so proud. He only failed 3 things on a list where he was allowed to miss 15. Another list allowed him to miss 3, but he scored perfectly on that and all other portions. :)

Things have been perfect with the pregnancy. Mark's growing exactly as he should be. They only thing they're saying is that my due date could be moved to November 1st (it's currently October 20th), but they haven't actually moved it yet because it's normal to measure a bit off. I honestly think they 1st sounds about perfect, and of course the boys are still pretty convinced it'll be Halloween. We'll see!

Hope everything's well! I really feel like I wanted to say more, but I'm still not able to get onto my own computer so I don't have the posts with everything else I wanted to share. I just couldn't stand to miss another week!

Take care, everyone, and I'll be back as soon as possible. :)

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to abandon y'all this time. I had a bunch of things I wanted to talk about, but the posts I wrote are saved on my laptop (because I just don't trust saving them over the internet, just in case). And of course my laptop's not working now...I was on it the other day and the cord started sparking. Sigh. Obviously not using it right now because I enjoy not being on fire.

Anyway, I don't know how long it'll be down, but if it's too much longer I'll just write a new post for you guys for the time being. As it is, hoping to get things sorted out in the next few days. One way or the other, I'll be back soon!

I'm sorry. It's been almost two weeks since my last post. But I've been so, so, so, so busy - super sad face.

Lots to update on, though, so I'll be here with a post tomorrow. I can't miss another Come October, I already feel awful for forgetting last week's (over and over and over). Now that I've finished all (or most) of my errands I should be running in circles a little less and home to post a little more.

Please forgive me!


PS: 31 weeks tomorrow! :D

And I said I was going to post for you guys on either Monday or Tuesday. Forgive me.

Well, I said I had a shitload of news for you, so here it is...

Daniel applied for a job with the county last week. I wasn't aloud to share this news over the internet for various reasons, but mostly because my ex-boyfriend is on a serious mission to get a job through my dad (which I find really weird) and we didn't want the phone calls. As if he would help my ex? Especially if it were to lower the chances for the father of his grandchild? As bitchy as it sounds: get a life, dude. We helped you enough during the two years we dated, even though you were pretty much using us the entire time. I won't get into all of that, though.

Source: whalesandwayfarers.tumblr.com
via Ashton on Pinterest

Anyway, the job listing closed Monday, which means no more applicants at this particular time, and now all we can do is hope beyond all hope that Daniel gets picked for an interview. First they have to go over the applications, score them, rank them, and then notify the top however-many-applicants they're interviewing. My dad says this could take about three weeks, but I'm already going so freaking crazy with anticipation!

If this works out, Daniel will go from making minimum wage approximately 18 hours a week to making a good deal more, full time. Which means we can actually get our own apartment, and since we'll have the truck (on loan from my grandma), everything will just be looking so much better than it has been. We seriously can't live on Daniel's current income, and so if this doesn't work out, we're back to a major job hunt for him.

My dad says that we will definitely get him in with the county eventually, and that he has a damn good chance this round. But everything depends, you know? We don't know how many other people are applying or how qualified they are, but we suspect there won't be much competition. I hope, I hope, I hope.

Oh, and Daniel got his permit about a week ago, which he'd been putting off; he gets discouraged. We have to get his license very soon (by the date of interview, if he gets one), so we're on some major crunch-time. I'm proud of him and I can tell he's proud of himself.

And he's doing so well! I was thoroughly convinced that he would never want to drive with me again after our first time out, but he's been back in the car with me twice since. It's just that I was extremely nervous that first time. And it showed...oh, did it. He was having trouble centering the car, and it's big, so I was freaked out. But I gave him the pointers he needed, and the second time he improved so much. I know he'll pass now, I'm absolutely positive. And I'm excited for him! He's been putting all of this off for so long, and now that he's taking the initiative, I can see how much his spirits have lifted.

On another note, I HATE MY OB. Or, rather, the clinic I've been going to, considering they've changed my OB like four times without asking me or really informing me. I have so many problems with them...and I'm going to rant about them now. I warned you.

- I have not once gotten any test results (not even for a blood test which was supposed to alert me to chances of birth defects!).

- The receptionists are incredibly rude.

- I have had appointments canceled/rescheduled at the very last minute numerous times because apparently they have no idea when their doctors are actually going to be there. Which wouldn't be so annoying if these were surprise days off, emergencies, whatever. NOPE. Just didn't know the doctor was out of town that day? Cool. No, I'm not at all bothered by the fact that I'm driving to the appointment as we speak but you want me there tomorrow. Oh, and you want me to either see a doctor I've never seen before (again) or one that I totally hate? No problem.

- Also, if that's the case, WHY CAN'T I JUST KEEP MY APPOINTMENT DATE? Obviously I'm not seeing my doctor anyway, so why do I want to drive over again tomorrow to see a doctor that's there today?

- I have also walked in for a scheduled appointment, only to be seen as a walk-in. Because they didn't schedule right. Go figure.

- I have called the right department and had the phone ring for an eternity. I have called the wrong one because the right one refused to answer and been put on hold for a half-hour because I called the wrong one.

Source: limadean.tumblr.com via Janette on Pinterest

- This is during business hours. Nothing's happening whatsoever off-hours (even though they tell me to call if I have questions...and ya know, sometimes I do, being pregnant and all). If it's an emergency? Whatever, go to the ER. But we're going to yell at you next time for going without calling us first.

- The doctors love to blow off my questions and concerns like I'm an idiot. Like recently, I told one particular doctors that I can't handle dairy. ANY form of dairy. He said, "Try yogurt." Yogurt is dairy. It makes me sick. "Try cheese." Okay, I can have some cheese, but how much cheese do you seriously think I can handle? It's dairy. I just want to know if I should be taking calcium supplements. "No, eat cheese." Fuck you.

I hate them so much.

But it turns out I can't find another clinic that accepts my insurance, and so I'm stuck with the fuckers. (HUGE sad face.) For now, I did call them and tell them very kindly that I'm tired of being switched and I want to see a particular doctor (who I actually haven't seen before this appointment, but which my dad and his girlfriend were very fond of while she was pregnant with CJ), and so I'm hoping I can get him every time. Even if I have to be rude about the fact that I won't accept less. I'm sure they'll forget the conversation happened, though.

Did I have more to say? I can't remember because I have pregnancy brain up the ass right now...and this feels unfinished. Oh well.

Did I ever show y'all my shower invites? Because I said I would.

No? Didn't think so. Okay.

They're not spectacular. I honestly made them in an MS Word Processor after getting fed up with GIMP. I just wasn't feeling it that day and I needed to get the things sent out, so I was like screw it.

Anyway, I bought some ivory cardstock and printed them out, then took a hole punch to each freaking one and punched two holes close together at the top. Then I added ribbon! I figured this would make them less boring.

I ran out at one point, so half of the cards have a blue one with "It's a boy!" printed on it...

D'aww.

While the others have white with blue polka dots.

I almost liked this one better in the end.

After I was finished, I was pretty pleased with the result, at least considering that I was afraid to even be sending out something that I made myself in the first place. I figured it would be a lot more horrendous than it was.

I added this one to show the entire thing long-ways:

Sorry about that horrible blur job.
Blur job...that sounds awful. (Sorry, I'm obviously 12.)

But this actually how fat they were:

Sorry, my scanner was being an asshole. Of course it couldn't have gotten the entire page both ways. It was either one or the other. Their coloring is a little off, too, but oh well.

Anyway, I know it's been a while...but there they are, as promised! :)

Oh, I'm going insane. I have a sort of friend (more an acquaintance) who insists on making shitty remarks constantly. About whatever she can think of, really. They're always involving things that she just doesn't need to bring up, especially considering these things shouldn't even be on her mind if she's really living life the way she pretends to be. Does that make sense?

And guess what the most popular topic is as of late? Pregnancy. Yup. It drives me fucking crazy.

The worst part is, when I told her I was seven weeks pregnant (or rather discussed it with her - I don't remember where she had heard it exactly), she was suddenly eight weeks, but insisted that she wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. She also boasted that, oh my god, she had actually planned her pregnancy, unlike all the other girls our age (she's actually a few years younger than me...sigh).

Now, though, she constantly posts about how she's so happy to be taking care of a boyfriend rather than a child, or about how great her life is because she's waiting - mystery baby unmentioned and comments always completely unprompted.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe she actually was pregnant and something went badly, but I just can't. And I'm really sorry if I'm wrong about that. But she's the type who has had multiple pregnancies (supposedly), though only when she's trying to save a relationship or something of the sort. She hasn't a single baby, and after being mentioned exactly once or twice, the news of said pregnancies is always aloud to fade out until it's forgotten. And then it's never spoken of again.

She's also the type who has always jumped on things and made them her obsession for like two months, but then she gets bored and moves on. And I can't help but think that having a baby is the same thing for her. And that maybe her boyfriend doesn't want a kid or something, and that just drives her crazy. You know?

Source: 1.bp.blogspot.com via Taylor on Pinterest

Maybe I'm being an ass even saying any of this, but seriously? Even if it is some sort of situation where her pregnancies aren't working out and she's bitter about it, she doesn't need to make those of us who are having babies feel shitty, does she? She doesn't have to constantly be throwing in our faces how "miserable" our lives are going to be now that we have to change dirty diapers and clothes, wipe away slobber, chase after children. It's just not necessary. If she really is so happy without a baby in her life, she should move on from it. She should not keep bringing it up.

Also, at least acknowledge the good points. Our babies are going to bring us cuddles, laughter, that wonderful baby smell. Incredible love greater than anything we've ever experienced before. Overwhelming joy.

I'm glad that she's having fun partying and moving into her new apartment and spending uninterrupted-by-crying time with her boyfriend. I'm glad to hear that she has time to intern on top of her two jobs and that she's finding purpose in a profession. I'm happy for her, really. But my baby boy is going to give me purpose, and while he wasn't planned and I did have to give up late nights and numerous friendships and probably the expectation of having a moment alone from now until he starts kindergarten, I just can't regret him.

And really, there's nothing wrong with that. We all have our lives and we're not all going to live them the same. Can't we just respect each others'?


PS: Please forgive me if this sounds completely insensitive. I'm just so damn bothered by her constant need to make my life seem meaningless just because she's living hers differently.

Yes, I did change my blog again. I know, I know, but you forgive me.

I did it all by myself this time! I even made the header and the buttons (although they're just words, nothing fancy). So that kind of rocks out loud. And I'll try to not get bored with it too quickly - no promises, though.


PS: I think I actually got all of the color matching right, too! Check it out, check it out, check it out - my header, post dividers, and links - they all match!  I totally did that with no help. Alone. By me-self.

I'm so darn proud of me.

---

Mathew: Taylor, are you going to have a baby?

Taylor: Yes, I am.

Mathew: On Halloween?

Taylor: Well, he's due a few days before. But it's possible.

Mathew: Mom says it will be, though. Ask mom.

Taylor: Mom says that because you can't always predict when babies come. And Mark might come later than he's supposed to.

Mathew: It's going to be on Halloween. Trust me.


I swear, this boy has been cracking me up.