We're all just living our lives - focus on yours


Oh, I'm going insane. I have a sort of friend (more an acquaintance) who insists on making shitty remarks constantly. About whatever she can think of, really. They're always involving things that she just doesn't need to bring up, especially considering these things shouldn't even be on her mind if she's really living life the way she pretends to be. Does that make sense?

And guess what the most popular topic is as of late? Pregnancy. Yup. It drives me fucking crazy.

The worst part is, when I told her I was seven weeks pregnant (or rather discussed it with her - I don't remember where she had heard it exactly), she was suddenly eight weeks, but insisted that she wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. She also boasted that, oh my god, she had actually planned her pregnancy, unlike all the other girls our age (she's actually a few years younger than me...sigh).

Now, though, she constantly posts about how she's so happy to be taking care of a boyfriend rather than a child, or about how great her life is because she's waiting - mystery baby unmentioned and comments always completely unprompted.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe she actually was pregnant and something went badly, but I just can't. And I'm really sorry if I'm wrong about that. But she's the type who has had multiple pregnancies (supposedly), though only when she's trying to save a relationship or something of the sort. She hasn't a single baby, and after being mentioned exactly once or twice, the news of said pregnancies is always aloud to fade out until it's forgotten. And then it's never spoken of again.

She's also the type who has always jumped on things and made them her obsession for like two months, but then she gets bored and moves on. And I can't help but think that having a baby is the same thing for her. And that maybe her boyfriend doesn't want a kid or something, and that just drives her crazy. You know?

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Maybe I'm being an ass even saying any of this, but seriously? Even if it is some sort of situation where her pregnancies aren't working out and she's bitter about it, she doesn't need to make those of us who are having babies feel shitty, does she? She doesn't have to constantly be throwing in our faces how "miserable" our lives are going to be now that we have to change dirty diapers and clothes, wipe away slobber, chase after children. It's just not necessary. If she really is so happy without a baby in her life, she should move on from it. She should not keep bringing it up.

Also, at least acknowledge the good points. Our babies are going to bring us cuddles, laughter, that wonderful baby smell. Incredible love greater than anything we've ever experienced before. Overwhelming joy.

I'm glad that she's having fun partying and moving into her new apartment and spending uninterrupted-by-crying time with her boyfriend. I'm glad to hear that she has time to intern on top of her two jobs and that she's finding purpose in a profession. I'm happy for her, really. But my baby boy is going to give me purpose, and while he wasn't planned and I did have to give up late nights and numerous friendships and probably the expectation of having a moment alone from now until he starts kindergarten, I just can't regret him.

And really, there's nothing wrong with that. We all have our lives and we're not all going to live them the same. Can't we just respect each others'?

PS: Please forgive me if this sounds completely insensitive. I'm just so damn bothered by her constant need to make my life seem meaningless just because she's living hers differently.


  1. It has taken me some time to figure this out, (not too mention a fair amount of thereapy!lol), but I have the choice as to who I share and spend my time with. Friends that may have worked for me in one stage of my life, don't neccesarily work when I go through another stage. I would suspect that many freinds your age are somewhat jealous of your situation and want to remind themselves of what they may see as the "negative" sides to starting a family. But, you are in a whole new boat. It is not a thought for you, you are a mom. You are carrying your little angel, you are getting to know him, and you are deeply in love. Changing diapers and sleepless nights may not sound so great in the abstract but, it's not an abstract for you. In a few short months you are going to meet your little guy and although you know it will bring challanges, it will also bring him!! I hope you get a chance to meet some other new moms to who you can share the good, bad and ugly with and they will "get" it becasue they too are walking the same walk. Motherhood changes your life, and it really changes you! I think back to friends I had who had children before I did, and I can see now that I just did not 'get" it at all. What a fun time you are entering! Thanks for letting me add my 2 cents!! Have a great Sunday!

  2. That's so perfectly put. I'm definitely trying to spend my time around moms, and that's a big reason that I started blogging. It's been nice having people to talk to, even if just over the internet, who actually understand my life as it now, rather than through what we did together 6+ months ago.

  3. What I've learned from people like this is that they're so obsessed with making other people feel bad because they are incredibly unhappy themselves. Putting others down makes them feel better.

  4. Kathy really offered some wonderful advice!

    I think we all have to have friends like this in our lives and we also have to finally decide when to let them go. This girl sounds like someone you really don't need in your life and maybe you should find a way to break ties with her. Or, at least put some distance between you.

    Don't think of yourself as an ass or insensitive. You are just verbalizing the same things we all feel at one time or another. And if you can't do that on your own blog, where can you do it?

  5. You guys are awesome. :) I love the support I get from everyone. And you're right, my blog is where I come to share my feelings - it has definitely been a positive for me.

  6. I'm a firm believer that people either fill you with positivity or they drain every ounce of it right out of you. And right now, you need every bit of it you can take for yourself and your new family. I say, if this girl is sucking the positive energy out of your life and filling it with negativity then she is certainly not worth any of your precious time or energy.

    If she can't respect you and your life choices then it is probably best for the two of you to go your separate ways for now. Who knows? Maybe in the future, when her life has taken a different path or your life has taken a different path, the two of you will meet up again. But right now you have to think about what is best for you and your family. Different people are meant for different seasons in our lives. And I have a feeling with this new season, as you start to let go of the old things that are weighing you down, you will find new, much more positive influences and relationships around the corner. :)

  7. that quote is one of my favorites. i have been seeing it everywhere lately.
    congratulations on your pregnancy. i am so sorry your "friend" is being so insensitive at a time like this in your life. some people can be so self absorbed and it sounds like she is insecure and trying to bring you down with her.
    i love that regardless of whether your pregnancy was planned or not, that you are taking charge and seeing all the beauty you are experiencing...
    you will be a wonderful mother.
    sending you lots of positive vibes!
    looking forward to following :)
    maria <3


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