Today I'm 34 weeks and, what, 3 days pregnant? I have 39 days left until the due date. I can remember reaching the 100 day mark and being so excited. And then getting into the 60's and that exciting me, and I remember talking about the fact that I couldn't wait to cut that in half, to get into the 30's.
Welp, yeah, now I'm terrified. I told this to my OB the other day and all he said was, "It's your first baby? Well, honestly? I think you're going to find it really boring." You know, all that 'first labors are longer' and 'you'll find the pain isn't as bad as you expect it to be.' Thing is, I don't know if I should feel comforted or completely unrelieved. I mean, he had to check first...he probably knew that I wouldn't believe him if I had done it before. Ha!
But seriously, I hope I can get through it. And I want to do it with the epidural, have I ever explained that here? Obviously there are fads now with this, but that's not why I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it because it's so many major fears all wrapped up into one really, really scary procedure! I'm terrified of needles and I'm terrified of people touching my spine (they want to stick a needle into my spine nononono). I'm also afraid of even having my mouth numbed at the dentist because it takes forever to wear off and I feel like I'm never going to gain feeling back again. Why would I want that done to my whole lower body? And then what if the hospital catches on fire or the roof caves in and I can't walk? HUH? What then?
Okay, so I hear hospitals have wheel chairs and that maybe someone would help me out of there. But that's not the point. The point is nonononono.
Daniel thinks I'm ridiculous. I think I'm saving my own life. (Haha, drama.)
Moving on... I'm sorry. I know I say that a lot lately. And I know that I said my computer was back up and that I was going to be posting more, and yet I still missed...well, a lot. Things have been super crazy lately. I'm having a baby, dude. I have to prepare for him and I don't even know how to do that sometimes.
Daniel moved out of his apartment (problems with the roommates...it's a long story) and is staying with friends, so I'm still in my 10x10 room in my dad's house, where I have to fit not only whatever furniture I want to keep - I mean, the room was already filled to the brim - but also whatever I can stuff in here for the baby. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to do it, and I'm going insane hoping for an apartment soon. Or at least just more space, wherever we end up...sigh.
We're pretty much ready, though, as far as things go. Mentally? I don't know if I'll ever be completely prepared there. This is so new and I'm still really afraid I'm going to screw something up, but hopefully I raise him well enough that he can at least function properly in society. Oh man, I'm terrible.
How are all of you? What am I forgetting to say? Let's get back to chatting like we used to...ask me some questions or something, remind me what I'm forgetting to share. For me this is all old news, and I can't remember whether I've said things on here or just been repeating them so many times in other conversations that I feel like I have, ya know?
Mark's perfect by the way. Perfect heartbeat, growing perfectly. He's going to be gorgeous. :)