I missed my week 40 post, which is just wrong of me considering I've gone through this whole pregnancy hoping and praying and wishing I could meet my perfect little boy, and then I just don't show up to the finish line? My bad.

Well, I made it to my due date with no signs of dilation. It was pretty frustrating. And then the doctor asked me to show up to the hospital Monday morning (the 24th) to be induced. I was considering broaching the subject myself but was a little freaked out by it, and didn't expect him to be the one to bring it up. "That baby's going to come out," he said, "it just may take a little longer this way."

I was scared shitless, I'm not even going to lie.

So on October 24th, four days later than he was supposed to, Mark Allen came into the world. I walked into Labor and Delivery at 7 that morning, had my water broken at 830, and labored for hoooours. About 9 that night I started pushing and we welcomed our precious little guy into the world at 9:51 pm.

I had an amazing nurse who absolutely fell in love with my boy, and a very good team of nurses in the Mother/Baby wing who had already heard of him before we were moved over because of the first. Haha. They would walk in and say, "Oh, you really are adorable!" or something along those lines, and pretty much all of them fell in love with him. One in particular who helped me immensely with my breastfeeding issues and was just a wonderful support in general. I loved her.

And it's true, Mark's absolutely adorable. He's perfect, the most perfect little thing I've ever seen in my entire life. He hardly fusses, sleeps pretty well, is finally feeding better (before he just wanted to sleep, it was such a hassle to wake him up long enough to feed).

I do get the blues every once in a while because Daniel and I didn't get into our own place before the baby came. It was my number one hope, but we're dealing with it. And we're great together, so we're going to make it through this. We're going to be okay for a very, very long time.

I couldn't be happier. :)

I'll have to get a little more detailed when I don't have a little boy sleeping on my chest. Apparently my typing is bothering him, because he keeps wiggling back and forth. ;)

I think I've actually been too lazy to blog lately. Isn't that ridiculous? Like, how much effort does that take, seriously? Sit down, type what you're thinking, move on with your day...DONE. But, no, I always say, "I really need to write something...but I don't feel like it right now, so I'll do it later."

And later, later, later. Later never comes.

I went through a crazy up in energy and wasted it all getting my room organized - which I'm incredibly proud of, let me say, because it was one of those rooms that you could get lost in for days - but now that that's over, I feel like there's no more energy left anywhere in the world and I don't want to move anymore. That sounds horrible.

Also, my hands have decided to start throbbing and every single joint that hands consist of feel like they're never going to bend all the way again. Like creaky hinges. Like they're wrapped in Styrofoam. They just don't feel good, I'm saying. So typing is not my favorite thing right now.

All-in-all, I'm a happy. So damn happy. Daniel finally moved into his "grandpa's" house (actually a friend's grandpa, but he has sort of been adopted into the family over the years). Which means we're still not living together, but that things have been a lot easier - I can go over there to visit, and the truck can be left there overnight, so I have finally gotten to take a break from driving. That has been fantastic, considering I don't have anywhere to be during the day and I was just out driving him to work while a million months pregnant. Not fantastic. Now he just stops by when he can or picks me up and we rendezvous and then each head home. It's not my ideal situation, but it's working for us. We're doing what we can, and we're doing well.

I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over. It's incredible...I feel like it slowed down so much after 28 weeks, but then I look back and wonder where it's gone. How does time do that? I'll never understand.

I'm admittedly incredibly scared, but it's balanced with how eager I am, and so I can't decide if I want Mark to take his time or start this process like, yesterday. I'm just letting him choose at this point because his mom's too incredibly indecisive during the smallest situations, so I don't know how I'm going to do decide during something so life-changing. Because seriously - it's going to hurt, aw crap, I don't want to. But the crib's so empty and can you believe my tiny little cuddly boy is going to be sleeping there by the end of the month?

Oh, I'm excited. Oh, I'm so scared.

Whoa, has it been that long since I last posted? Since week 35, really? I'm so bad about this. I've been using up all of my energy on this crazy nesting streak lately, and because getting things ready for Mark is all I really think about I guess I've sort of forgotten about the blog. I know, I suck.

A friend of the family (I call her my aunt) reminded me today, though. She told me that she loves reading this and that she would like to see me writing on it again. And I want to! I just have to remember that it exists, ha.

I'll be 38 weeks on Thursday, and I have my check-up tomorrow. I have cleaned my room, set up all of my baby things, gotten everything up for the hospital bags (I just need the actual bags to place the stuff in). Everything is just about ready. And I'm ready. I really hope the ball gets rolling soon, but I know it could still be up to a little bit after the due date. I'm excited, though, because no matter what he'll be here by the end of the month! :) Well, maybe the first of next month, but still - that's not long at all!

I hope everything is going well with everyone. I definitely need to get to working on a 38 week post, stuffed with updates and pictures and awesome. I'll try my very, very best to be back then. Have a good few days in the mean time!

I'm a few days late, as always. I've been stressed...I have a lot to do, and I keep starting it and not finishing, only doing a little bit at a time. I stop because I hurt and start again because I'm stressed, and I repeat the same cycle over and over and over every day or two. I guess the blog just hasn't really been on my mind because preparing for Mark has taken over everything else.

Anyway, I'm 35 weeks as of about 3 days ago and that's scary. I haven't finished cleaning my room out...I haven't set the crib up (now that it's here and not at the apartment)...I haven't put Mark's clothes in drawers... I haven't done anything! Well, at least not as far as actually having things ready for him. Right now I'm just cleaning out my things to make room for his so that I can do the rest of that. I've got everything but it's still all in storage boxes and unwashed and needing to be folded. Sigh. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

Totally huge 35 week me

Baha! Ain't that the truth. Tons and tons and tons of work ahead of me for the rest of my life. But hey, I'm up for the challenge. :)

I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I feel huge and uncomfortable and unattractive. And I feel like I'm carrying around a bowling ball...I swear that in the last few days he's gotten heavier, that he's kicking me harder than ever. It hurts. I can't wait to get him out of me...because I want to be back to (semi-) normal, but also because I want to cuddle his brains out.

Ha, no, not really. That sounds violent. But I do really want to snuggle him. It's going to be great.

It still doesn't feel real, and now that I'm starting to see a number of friends deliver their babies and I'm getting to smile over their pictures, I keep commenting and realizing, "Whoa, I'm going to have one of those." But it still never really sinks in until I see the next picture, make the next comment, and then it's only a reality for a few minutes. I keep losing it again...I don't know what I'm going to feel like when I have all of his things set up in my room. Or when I go into labor. Or when I'm in the hospital. Or when he's actually sleeping in that crib, in my room, and I can actually look at him.

I'm so excited and so nervous and so scared.

Right now kind of sucks. I can't stay with Daniel and he can't stay here with me. It makes things hard, and I honestly do get really sad and lonely (especially considering he's pretty much the only person I leave the house for anymore...sigh). I can't stand it...he's my baby's dad and I can't even cuddle with him at night or coax him into giving me a back rub or anything. Haha.

But really, I just want to spend time with him. It'd be really nice to be able to talk to him when I'm feeling scared or to be hugged when I'm crying. It'd be nice just to feel safe next to him at night. It's hurting me thinking about everything we're missing out on...like our last moments alone for, what, forever? The last few chances to have real conversations and to hold each other without having to jump up to change or feed or bathe Mark.

And what about when the baby's coming and I can't get a hold of him? He doesn't have his own phone right now, so I guess I'll have to go beat down their door, have to go to the hospital alone and hope someone gets the news back to him if he's not home. Then of course when I'm all sore and whatnot back at home after the hospital he won't be around to help take care of me and to spend the first few nights with his baby.

It's thoughts like these that are really depressing me. How can we be a family if we can't even act like one? If we're separated the entire time? I don't want things to be like this anymore.

Today I'm 34 weeks and, what, 3 days pregnant? I have 39 days left until the due date. I can remember reaching the 100 day mark and being so excited. And then getting into the 60's and that exciting me, and I remember talking about the fact that I couldn't wait to cut that in half, to get into the 30's.

Welp, yeah, now I'm terrified. I told this to my OB the other day and all he said was, "It's your first baby? Well, honestly? I think you're going to find it really boring." You know, all that 'first labors are longer' and 'you'll find the pain isn't as bad as you expect it to be.' Thing is, I don't know if I should feel comforted or completely unrelieved. I mean, he had to check first...he probably knew that I wouldn't believe him if I had done it before. Ha!

But seriously, I hope I can get through it. And I want to do it with the epidural, have I ever explained that here? Obviously there are fads now with this, but that's not why I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it because it's so many major fears all wrapped up into one really, really scary procedure! I'm terrified of needles and I'm terrified of people touching my spine (they want to stick a needle into my spine nononono). I'm also afraid of even having my mouth numbed at the dentist because it takes forever to wear off and I feel like I'm never going to gain feeling back again. Why would I want that done to my whole lower body? And then what if the hospital catches on fire or the roof caves in and I can't walk? HUH? What then?

Okay, so I hear hospitals have wheel chairs and that maybe someone would help me out of there. But that's not the point. The point is nonononono.

Daniel thinks I'm ridiculous. I think I'm saving my own life. (Haha, drama.)

Moving on... I'm sorry. I know I say that a lot lately. And I know that I said my computer was back up and that I was going to be posting more, and yet I still missed...well, a lot. Things have been super crazy lately. I'm having a baby, dude. I have to prepare for him and I don't even know how to do that sometimes.

Daniel moved out of his apartment (problems with the roommates...it's a long story) and is staying with friends, so I'm still in my 10x10 room in my dad's house, where I have to fit not only whatever furniture I want to keep - I mean, the room was already filled to the brim - but also whatever I can stuff in here for the baby. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to do it, and I'm going insane hoping for an apartment soon. Or at least just more space, wherever we end up...sigh.

We're pretty much ready, though, as far as things go. Mentally? I don't know if I'll ever be completely prepared there. This is so new and I'm still really afraid I'm going to screw something up, but hopefully I raise him well enough that he can at least function properly in society. Oh man, I'm terrible.

How are all of you? What am I forgetting to say? Let's get back to chatting like we used to...ask me some questions or something, remind me what I'm forgetting to share. For me this is all old news, and I can't remember whether I've said things on here or just been repeating them so many times in other conversations that I feel like I have, ya know?

Mark's perfect by the way. Perfect heartbeat, growing perfectly. He's going to be gorgeous. :)

HOLY!

I'm sorry. I've missed too many of these! When was the last time I posted, like 29 weeks? Sigh.

I know I've been really bad at posting lately, especially because the days since my baby shower have been pretty chaotic. I've been back and forth and here and there and having my things blow up, and I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. My days have been so productive, though - I have a ton of things finished that I've needed to do for months.
And we of course had the shower! We got so much stuff we needed...more than I have the space for but all things we needed, which I appreciate more than I can express. Mark has more than enough clothing to last us the first few months of his life, enough diapers for a good period of time, a few toys, all of the large things we need. We have a car seat, a crib, all of those essentials, plus more extras than I ever could have asked for. I'm super appreciative.

As far as the shower goes, I had a lot more people show up than I expected. I love you all, by the way, and thank you! We had these little sandwiches cut up into take-and-go pieces, chips with dips, and a gorgeous cake that my aunt and uncle made (they bake for events). I should totally include a picture of this, shouldn't I?

Loved it. :)

My mom put together a few games, including one where the guests were given a little pin to wear throughout the party and weren't allowed to say "baby." If they did, you could steal their pin, and the one with the most pins at the end won. There was one where you have to find the little safety pins in a bowl of rice, one where the guests had to answer trivia questions about TV shows (related to children, of course), and...I can't remember if there were more or not.

Each time someone won a game, they were given a little gift basket with body washes and perfumes and whatnot inside.

And lastly we did a diaper raffle - one box of diapers got you one entry into the raffle, and for that we gave away the biggest basket. It was cute and I had a great time.

At the very end of it, my grandma surprised us with the truck. I cried, I'm not even going to lie.

I had an interview about two weeks ago, which they just decided to call me for out of the blue (after applying months ago). I went into a hair salon the night before to get a decent cut for the interview, which I hoped I could sneak in and out of without drawing an extreme amount of attention to my midsection. I was wearing the baggiest shirt in my closet and the first thing the stylist asked? "So when is your due date?" Shit. No hiding that, then.

On further note, things are going great. I'm getting huge. Here, I'll prove it:

I'm enjoying it, though. Daniel is adorable and likes to cuddle and talk and sing to my tummy. Mark, of course, always moves when he hears his voice, no matter how absolutely still he's been beforehand. It's the most amazing thing and I can't get over it. I know they'll have an immediate bond.

No interview for Daniel yet, but we're waiting on the arrival of the papers telling him whether or not there's going to be one! It should be here in the next few days (if not already!). If there's nothing, we're going to look into a few other positions, though probably not with the county (at least not yet...he will eventually get in there, we just need to find the right timing).

Also, we got the truck at the baby shower! (Did I mention that already? I'm almost certain I did...) And Daniel got his license! I'm so proud. He only failed 3 things on a list where he was allowed to miss 15. Another list allowed him to miss 3, but he scored perfectly on that and all other portions. :)

Things have been perfect with the pregnancy. Mark's growing exactly as he should be. They only thing they're saying is that my due date could be moved to November 1st (it's currently October 20th), but they haven't actually moved it yet because it's normal to measure a bit off. I honestly think they 1st sounds about perfect, and of course the boys are still pretty convinced it'll be Halloween. We'll see!

Hope everything's well! I really feel like I wanted to say more, but I'm still not able to get onto my own computer so I don't have the posts with everything else I wanted to share. I just couldn't stand to miss another week!

Take care, everyone, and I'll be back as soon as possible. :)

I'm sorry. It's been almost two weeks since my last post. But I've been so, so, so, so busy - super sad face.

Lots to update on, though, so I'll be here with a post tomorrow. I can't miss another Come October, I already feel awful for forgetting last week's (over and over and over). Now that I've finished all (or most) of my errands I should be running in circles a little less and home to post a little more.

Please forgive me!


PS: 31 weeks tomorrow! :D

Source: google.com
via Melinda on Pinterest

It took me until maybe five minutes ago to realize that I completely forgot about yesterday's Come October post. And now I've been running around all day and I'm totally exhausted, so I don't even know what to write.

Wednesday's post was pretty much a good enough update on how I'm feeling about my OB visits (reminder: HORRIBLE), and not much more has happened besides. So like I said, I'm at a loss.

Anyway, I'm 29 weeks as of yesterday, totally anticipating 30 because it just sounds so awesome, and then 31 because I get to say that we're in the single digits (week-wise)! I can't wait for Mark to get here. I'm anxious and stressed and just going totally, absolutely crazy with everything.

We've got so much for him and more coming and I know we're going to have everything we need. But I still feel unprepared...still, I don't know if I'll ever be completely ready. And I can't wait!

Oh, and he discovered my ribs yesterday. I think I'm dying. Owwww.

I'll have more to talk about either tomorrow or the next day. Tomorrow is my baby shower! Daniel has been excited (it's cute!) and I'm excited. I just don't know if I'll have time to post afterward because I'll be cleaning up, and I usually take a nap during the day which I won't get to do, so I don't doubt I'll pass out early. I feel old saying that.

I hope my camera's charged, ah! I need to go check that out.

Did I ever show y'all my shower invites? Because I said I would.

No? Didn't think so. Okay.

They're not spectacular. I honestly made them in an MS Word Processor after getting fed up with GIMP. I just wasn't feeling it that day and I needed to get the things sent out, so I was like screw it.

Anyway, I bought some ivory cardstock and printed them out, then took a hole punch to each freaking one and punched two holes close together at the top. Then I added ribbon! I figured this would make them less boring.

I ran out at one point, so half of the cards have a blue one with "It's a boy!" printed on it...

D'aww.

While the others have white with blue polka dots.

I almost liked this one better in the end.

After I was finished, I was pretty pleased with the result, at least considering that I was afraid to even be sending out something that I made myself in the first place. I figured it would be a lot more horrendous than it was.

I added this one to show the entire thing long-ways:

Sorry about that horrible blur job.
Blur job...that sounds awful. (Sorry, I'm obviously 12.)

But this actually how fat they were:

Sorry, my scanner was being an asshole. Of course it couldn't have gotten the entire page both ways. It was either one or the other. Their coloring is a little off, too, but oh well.

Anyway, I know it's been a while...but there they are, as promised! :)

I'm officially in the third trimester!

84 days left until I'll (hopefully) have my baby here with me; that fact is both amazing and terrifying. I can't believe I'm going to be trusted with a little life...I really hope I do this right. I hope that I don't eff him up.

Source: weheartit.com
via Laura on Pinterest

I mean, of course not. I'm confident. (Pffft.)

I'm not even going to lie, I kind of really love being pregnant. I hated it at first, of course, because I hated being sick all the time. But now I know that I would absolutely do it all over again. I'd do it even if I was told that it was going to be absolutely the same sickness-wise (although I do hope that it won't).

I will say, though, that some days I feel so absolutely cute, and others I feel terribly disgusting. And sometimes I'll cycle through both (maybe back and forth repeatedly) within the same day, but whatever.

In the end, I really do love it all. And I'm going to love actually holding my baby and getting to feel his gorgeous skin a million times more than just being able to feel him kick through my own. Even though that already feels like the most magical thing in the world. Imagine that - a feeling that will outdo the best feeling I've ever known. Incredible.

I love you, Mark, and I love your daddy, so much that I could never properly explain it.



PS: Had to do my glucose test today. The drink didn't taste as awful as I expected it to, but it gave me a headache. And now I'm ridiculously tired. This might be written pretty horribly because I'm so out of it. I also totally fucked up while driving and almost got us side-swiped because my brain is just done for the day.

Also, Daniel got his permit yesterday. He'd been putting it off because he didn't feel like he was going to pass and he seems to just give up under pressure, but he did so damn well. I'm proud of him. And I took him driving today and he did very well with that, too. Except I was nervous and I think I made him nervous and he might have gotten irritated with me for it. I feel really bad.

Lastly, I've gained 11 pounds. I feel like an elephant, but the doctor kept repeating how good that was. He even turned to Daniel to tell him a few times. It felt a little strange, how hard he was trying to convince us of that.

As of yesterday, there are exactly three months left until Mark is due. And today I'm 27 weeks - hello third trimester! I'm so excited I just can't stand it. I'm ready to get everything moving already, except of course things have slowed down considerably. I mean, the pregnancy really felt like it flew by up until 24 weeks, but since then I feel like it's been forever. I don't exactly know why.

I'm not extremely sad, though; I'm definitely enjoying having Mark in my tummy for the time being. I'm loving the kicks and the punches and the rolls, and I love getting responses whenever I push on my stomach. I love feeling little knees and elbows and fists through my skin whenever he stretches. I love knowing his sleep schedule so that I can almost predict the times that he's going to be moving for me. I just love knowing he's there.

At the beginning I said that this was the first and last time I would ever be pregnant, but I'm a total liar. I know I'm going to miss this, and I know that someday I'll put up with all of the aches and pains and morning sickness, and of course the incredible fears associated with pregnancy, just to feel this magic again.

---

Source: loveology-photos.xanga.com via Melanie on Pinterest

Honestly? When I thought about how big ol' 2011 was going to start and end, this wasn't my ideal situation. I didn't expect to get pregnant two weeks into the year I'd be turning 21 - oh, I didn't - and I didn't plan on having a baby on the way out of it. But now that it's all come to be, I wouldn't trade any of it. I couldn't be happier, and really, I couldn't be any luckier.

I don't regret the timing, either. I mean, I panicked when I found out. I cried. I still have moments every once in a while where I think about the enormous responsibility that I'm going to have and it always leaves me feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I definitely wasn't ready - or at least I wasn't prepared.

But things happen and when they do, everything eventually falls into its place; life made me ready. I've changed a lot in such a short time and I know I still have a lot of adapting to do, but I always will, won't I? No matter the particular situation, things are going to continue changing. Forever. And I just really can't be afraid of that.

I may always wish that I had more before Mark came; in fact, I'm absolutely sure I will. But when it really comes down to it, we have (or at least are going to have) everything we need for him. He has his mommy and daddy, we have a place to live and, soon, a car. We already have a ton of diapers and a tub full of clothes just waiting for him - and more to come. We have a crib and a few toys. We have a family and numerous friends who just cannot wait to meet him. We all have so much love for him.

We're on the right track. And when it really comes down to it, life is good; it's as perfect as perfect can be when you have something this enormous thrust at you unexpectedly (or, come on, maybe even if it had been expected - this is a human life we're talking about. There's only so much you can plan).

I know it's going to be hard, oh do I know it, but I'm ready now.

---

Updated: I actually took a picture today! Of my stomach, I mean. Actually I've taken a few, but I've never shared one here, so I thought I might for once.

27 weeks today. :)

Nothing terribly exciting, but I've been meaning to do so. 91 days until he's due!

I'm 26 weeks today, which means it's time to post this week's Come October, my weekly pregnancy project. And because I promised to post the story behind my baby's name, here's the (somewhat) simple form of it - although I really could talk forever.

Source: etsy.com via Trish on Pinterest

I met my best friend, Allen, my seventh grade year; he was the new kid and ended up being seated next to me in both English and Advisory (which was basically homeroom with a different name). It was probably the end of that school year that we started talking on the phone and otherwise being friendly outside of school, and our friendship escalated from there.

We were in classes together for a good three years after having met. In that time period we took part in the junior high and early high school dating scene off and on, and were on the phone so often that my dad figured it had become my personal property. Around the middle of our Sophomore year, however, Allen left to attend military academy. And without being able to see each other every day, we eventually lost contact.

After a couple of months of being out of each other's daily lives, we were no longer on one another's minds - until one night, somewhere around the end of summer vacation in between Sophomore and Junior year, Allen called me. I was so surprised to see his name pop up on my cell phone that I stopped what I was doing to answer, and from somewhere around 7 that night until 7 the next morning we talked. I'm not even kidding. We talked straight through the night, and it just seemed so natural.

From then on I was glued to the phone, and for a while there his family pretty much expected any call after school hours to be from me. We talked about anything and everything. And we were there for each other through everything. He eventually transferred back and the routine continued for (almost) the rest of high school.

On March 19, 2008, Allen killed himself. It was the one day that week that I didn't call him, but when he didn't answer the next day I didn't think anything of it. Not until his girlfriend called me later that night and told me what happened. I was devastated. I had never been so close to anyone in my entire life, at least not someone who wasn't family, and I didn't know how to cope. It messed me up for a long time.

Daniel (Boyfriend) was friends with Allen's brother. He hasn't lived with family since he was young, at least not permanently, and ever since he left his mom's house at about 13 (if I remember correctly) he has sort of hopped houses. One of those houses was Allen's, so he was practically a brother to him. He's the only guy I've been involved with since Allen's death who has completely understood my pain.

Then in March of this year, Daniel's dad died. He had been suffering from lung cancer, emphysema and chronic bronchitis, the results of being a heavy smoker for most of his life. I only got to meet him once before I learned he was sick, a few months before Daniel and I started dating, and probably only a few times afterward.

The last day I saw him was horrible. He was in his room in a hospital-style bed. He couldn't talk, could hardly move. We all stood around the bed and talked to him, and Daniel held his hand and had him feel my stomach. He told him that, should we have a boy, we were naming our baby after him. And though Daniel has an older brother named after his dad, everyone thought it was perfect.

And we're having a boy. That's why, Come October, will be naming our baby Mark Allen.

And while we originally wanted a name that would be much less common and much more original, I don't think we could have come up with anything better.

So I'm 25 weeks pregnant today - whoo! What's funny is that the pregnancy was flying up until I had my ultrasound, but the last week seems to have lasted a year. It's weird that it has, too, because I've been so busy, and the weeks that wouldn't slow down were filled with nothing but a computer screen, Netflix, and potato chips.

You would think me having something to do would have sped things up. Hm. It's probably just because I can actually plan things and I have an image in my head of what life is going to be like with Baby Boy, so now life has to torture me. That's probably it.

Now that we know - at least for certain rather than speculation - we have a lot more planning that we're able to do, and the things we have for the baby are starting to collect nicely. My shower is (almost solidly) scheduled for about a month from now, and so I'm currently working on getting invitations in order (considering that's all I'm actually allowed to do). I'm also in the process of tying up the last few things required of me by my medical, getting WIC, and getting a truck!

Okay, so it's not actually mine, it's my grandmother's (it belonged to my grandpa when he was alive, so it feels special), and it's going to be "on loan" until I can buy something for myself. But this means I can finally move in with Daniel! I've been going crazy trying to figure out how I could move in with no car or how we could make living on separate ends of town work with a baby (which is possible but sucky), so I'm ecstatic that (if everything works out) we're finally going to be able to do this without the worry of me walking to appointments all big-fat-pregnant in 100 degree weather. Lifesaver!

There's a lot of stress being lifted off my shoulder and (even though I know there's going to be new stress every day - jees, we're having a baby), things are starting to feel decently settled. I'm hoping everything keeps going well and that we can continue on to make even better situations for ourselves. Not having a car was a huge crutch for us - it has made it hard for Daniel to go about getting his license, which has made it extremely difficult to find him a better job, which makes it impossible for us to move to our own apartment in a better neighborhood and difficult to prepare for the baby. So this could (and hopefully will) change pretty much everything for us.

Onto other things: I got this bracelet in the mail a few days ago (the ones that reads 'Mommy To Be'); it's pink on the front and blue on the back, two-tone because I ordered it before we found out the sex of the baby. Considering we know now, I went back to the site and ordered an all-blue one and I'm hoping it comes soon. They're so cute! Free from babiesonline.com if you're interested. I don't have the exact link, though, so you'll have to Google it or something.

We do have a name picked out, by the way. It's actually been decided for a long time; we never really planned anything for a girl but had almost everything decided for a boy. We just had such a strong feeling that he was a he. Anyway, it's got a whole whopper of a story behind it, so I'll save it for another post.

Sorry I haven't been around much! Hoping to fix that from here on out, but we'll see. I still have a lot to do in the next few days.

How are all of you?

I'm 24 weeks today and finally, finally got my ultrasound. I've been dying for it. And guess what?

This is my son!

Okay, everything feels a little crazy now. I can't believe I get to say son. My son. I'm suddenly really aware of my heartbeat. :)

It's a boy, it's a boy, it's a boy-boy-boy!

I mean, Daniel and I were already pretty sure (it just felt like it). We've been joking that we know, but we need the doctor to know that we know. And now we know! And we were right!

I'm obviously really happy. I don't really know what else to say. I know there were things that I originally wanted to talk about, but I can't seem to remember them through the excitement.

Ahhh, finally! It's a boy!

It's 23 weeks today. That makes 23 weeks that a human being has been growing inside of me. 23 weeks that things have been stretching and shifting and cramping and paining. 23 weeks of realizing how completely unprepared I am, yet being so impatient to know the sex and what this little person looks like and whether it's going to be healthy, of being so ready to cuddle and love and care. 23 weeks of the most bittersweet, terrifying, wonderful feelings I've ever known.

Also, what? It makes about 17 weeks more to go with the same (and even more) to come.

And it makes one week until I receive my second ultrasound, the first one the parents are going to get to come to, the one where we (hopefully) find out whether the baby is a girl or a boy. The Big One. This means a lot to me, and I'm so impatient.

Ican'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twait! Dramatic inhale. Ican'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twait.

...

I hope it all goes right. I hope that I don't have a stubborn baby, but I wouldn't actually be shocked if I did. I'm the mother after all, and Daniel being the father? Magnified by 547. I swear.

Source: fireflyconfections.com
via Taylor on Pinterest

I'm just so bad at surprises! There are times I can't even wait until I've finished a book to find out the ending or a specific part of whatever. Usually because I've made a prediction and I want to know if I'm right and Google is right there, taunting me all like, "I know it and you don't!"

Damn it, Google, I can't stand not knowing!

Unfortunately, I can't Google my baby's gender. Or maybe I can, but I don't think it would actually help me much. So for now I'm just going to go completely and absolutely crazy with anticipation, and if I make it through, I'll make sure to update everyone else.

The ultrasound is next Thursday, so I'll be due for my 24 week post the same day. I'll probably just wait until the afternoon to write it so that I have something to say because I'm going to be bursting with the need to tell everyone who will listen because it hurts to keep excitement inside. You know what I'm saying. And also because this is going to be one of the best parts of the pregnancy, so it might as well be part of the pregnancy post.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great week! I'm just going to go sit over here and quietly agonize over how slowly it's passing.

Come October, we won't remember ever having wanted anything more than we do you.

Photo via Pinterest, editing is obviously mine.

It's Thursday - I'm 22 weeks today.

I started to write "I'm 22 weeks along" but for some reason it always bothers me to see the 'along' in there. Not that this sounds better, really, because I'm much older than 22 weeks, but it's just one of my quirks. Maybe...yeah, it's probably just me.

I decided to name this, considering I'm going to be doing it every week for...a while. I finally settled on 'Come October' since Little One is due in Oct of this year, because it's always been my favorite month, and because I'm already going crazy wanting to hold him/her.

How perfect is that? Well, I like it.

I only have to wait two more weeks until I know whether LO is a girl or a boy (as long as s/he's cooperating!) and I am going insane with anticipation.


On another note, let me just say that I'm so happy I gave up my bad habits for this baby.

My biggest problem was smoking - which I had been doing (quite heavily) since I was definitely not old enough to purchase cigarettes for myself. And then a couple of days after finding out I was pregnant (I had slowed down dramatically, but not stopped) I woke up and just decided that I wasn't going to anymore, and it wasn't the battle that it had been during previous quitting attempts. It wasn't challenge. It was like the day I decided to start: quick, smooth, and habit in no time.

Source: 4ormat-asset.s3.amazonaws.com 
via Hannah on Pinterest

As it were, I was young. I was stupid. And I told myself that I wasn't ever going to stop, pregnant or not. After all, I had friends who had delivered healthy babies, albeit small, after smoking the lengths of their pregnancies, so why shouldn't I?

But after I started thinking about the life inside of me, after I started falling head over heels in love, it felt like the cruelest thing I could ever do. I was amazed at how easy quitting was when I knew I wasn't just in charge of my own body anymore, but my baby's as well. And I can't believe I ever thought there was any other option.

I look back on who I was just a few short months ago and I'm really proud of myself. While I do feel incredibly guilty for those few days that I considered continuing, I'm happy that I came to the right conclusions and made the right decisions in the end. It truly comforts me knowing that I will always (at least try to) do the same in the future.

Hopefully this is proof that I won't be the terrible mom I've been afraid of becoming.

It's Thursday, which means another week for baby and me.

Weird...via BabyCenter 

Today I'm spending time with a friend who is in town after moving out of state, so I won't really be around a computer. I just wanted to post something beforehand. I'm not sure if I'll be here tomorrow, either, as I'm staying at Boyfriend's apartment tonight (where I'll be moving very, very soon!) and they don't have internet.

Normally I'd take my laptop so that I can either pick something up from a neighboring business (shhh...) or walk to Starbucks, but we're going to another friend's high school graduation and I just need to carry as little with me as possible. (This makes me feel both old and young at the same time - to be able to say it feels like it's been so long since mine, and then to follow up with the fact that I'm going to be a mom and realize immediately afterward that it hasn't actually been so long after all.)

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well, and that you have great weekends! I'll post as soon as I get back.