I appreciate all the visits lately, guys. We almost went Batman here the last week. Just thought you'd like to know. ;)

I know I'm not the only one who sees it.

If you've visited and I haven't returned the favor, I promise I'll be getting there! I've had a lot of homework lately and am honestly falling behind in the school department. Trying to make sure I keep my grades up for this six week stretch. Graduation is so close!

Sometimes I feel like becoming a mother has completely overridden my sense of self; I've lost my identity as a separate person, and now I'm just "mom." I'm the person who gets someone's food and changes their diapers, who can't go anywhere alone for two seconds (including the bathroom!), and who deals with tantrums 62 hours a day. I'm usually covered in someone else's half-eaten food or bodily fluids, and I often fight a little person to just sit still for a while and relax (isn't that the best part of the day?). There are definitely negatives to being a parent.

Then I remember that I have this whole new identity: the woman who someone completely relies on, who he looks to for comfort when he's unsure of a situation, who he loves wholeheartedly. We're best friends. I get to watch him develop his own personality, enjoy his excitement as he experiences things for the first time and falls in love with them. I get to guide him through life, to teach him how to be who he is, and the whole time he's teaching me.

I don't do much outside of being a mom, honestly. I don't have many friends. I don't go anywhere aside from the store (which I don't do without him) and school (which isn't often, due to online classes mixed in). I don't go out on weekends or have girls' nights out, or spend my days downtown just because I can. There are days that I wish I could, but then he starts telling me stories or giving me kisses and I know that, even if given the choice, I would deny it most days. I'm exactly where I want to be.

There are always things we want to change, but for me these are things like furthering my education, moving into our own home, owning things that would make our lives more convenient. For me, these things are taking my son to Disneyland and the zoo and live shows to meet his favorite characters, and giving him the things he wants just to see the smile on his face.

I've completely lost my sense of who I was before I had a baby, but I've gained this sense of who I am now: someone's mom. I have a reason to do the things I do. He's my reason to be.

Today Daniel had a barbecue with some friends, and obviously Mark and I were there. We got covered in food and dirt and bubbles (the "stack-able" kind that stay around much longer than they should), and it so much fun. And messy. Damn, was it messy.

Crappy dinosaur-phone picture of bubbles that you can't see.
All the spots on the ground, those are them.

Anyway, Mark decided to stop taking naps a few weeks ago, and therefore he sleeps pretty early now. Around 8 o'clock, I pointed out that it was about his usual bedtime and that I should probably get him home, especially after a day of playing in the heat. He was starting to get to that "I hate everything" stage that only tired kids have perfected and no mom wants to deal with that even a minute longer than they can help, am I right?

I decided to wipe Mark down to the best of my ability in case he fell asleep in the car, which he often does. Because of his eczema, we have to use gentle soaps to ensure that his skin will not be all scaly the next day, and I had forgotten to bring it with us or to leave some there. I told Daniel that was I going to put Mark in his pajamas for the ride home; "If he falls asleep in the car, then at least I feel like he's decently clean and comfortable," I told him, "and if he doesn't, he'll get a bath as soon as we get there."

He looked at me and said, "That's a great idea, babe. You've got this mom thing figured out." And he said it so lovingly that I couldn't help but melt.

I don't, though. I don't know if anyone ever has this mom thing figured out. We learn as we go and every single moment is a surprise even if we planned it down to a "T"--our kids don't follow plans. And then someday there will be second babies and we'll have to plan all over again because human beings just insist on being individuals.

I really like that I make it seem that way, though. I'm happy to be a mom, even if an imperfect one. Maybe the joy that comes from really loving something (or someone) is enough.

#UBP13 AFTER-party

I'm so glad I participated in this! What a great start to re-entering the blog world. I just love all of you mommy bloggers and the support that everyone gives one another. Thank you all for coming here.

I want to thank all of you from UBP who have come to leave me comments.

Dreaming with Midnite
Tales of an Unlikely Mother
Our Butterfly Haus

You guys are awesome, and I know there are a lot of you who have come by that aren't from UBP! You guys are equally as awesome and I think you deserve recognition as well. ;)

Second Chances Girl from Bloggy Moms
Not Your Ordinary Psychic Mom from Bloggy Moms
Kid Crossing Barefoot from Tuesday link-up

I've followed everyone in return and look forward to reading more.

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If I forgot anyone, your link might not have worked for me, and if I made any errors, then I'm probably just a terrible person. Just let me know in the comments or in my contact form!

Here's some fun info: ever since Mark became mobile, he has liked to hike over to the mirror and chat with himself. He used to get frustrated that the walker wouldn't go to that particular part of the house, but he loved babbling story after story to him.

Anyway, Mark is definitely not going to pleased with the Boy in the Mirror this October.

Because we really just had this conversation.

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Daniel: Babe! Mark has to be Chuckie for Halloween this year! It will be perfect and so easy to find his outfit.

Me: Like scary Chuckie??

Daniel: Haha yeah. He's almost the perfect size. It'll be awesome.

Me: Haha maaaaybe.

Daniel: Just picture it.

Me: What even made you have this revelation?

Him: This picture.

I don't get it. He's so sweet and innocent, eating candy.

Me: And that is how we will scar our child for life.

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Then again, maybe it will be adorable. Am I a terrible person for even considering this?