Mr. Blue Eyes

I've been so busy lately. I don't know how I have time to eat or sleep or really do anything besides homework and raising a toddler. I have so much keyboarding work that I feel like I'll have carpal tunnel by the time these last four weeks are over, and I still have to complete a final project, final tests, and everything else that comes with my normal workload. I'm a little overwhelmed.

I just wanted to update so you understand why I haven't been here much lately.

Mark is a year and a half old as of Wednesday. We had his 18 month appointment the same day, and we found out some things we were really not happy to hear.

I brought up that we were concerned about Mark's speech development; he doesn't seem to have any non-name words and doesn't respond to his name most the time (though I think he's just stubborn), though he should have up to twenty words in his vocabulary by now. He's being referred to the children's hospital for a hearing test and somewhere in town to see if he qualifies for speech therapy. We don't know anything yet, and they might determine that he's on track still, she's just taking precautions as early as possible to ensure that we can deal with potential problems should they arise.

We're obviously going to be participating in whatever they want us to just to make sure everything is okay. I'm so stressed out...I have so much to do and now I feel like I've failed him somehow. Maybe that's ridiculous but I honestly just want to cry every time I think about it. Maybe I spent too much time on the computer? Maybe having untreated postpartum depression for the first few months of his life has hurt his development? What if it's hurt our relationship?

I need to stop thinking about this. We'll be ready when it's time to take him, and we'll be ready to take on whatever we have to. If they say he's okay I'll be so relieved, and if they don't, then at least we'll be working on it early, instead of waiting until he's in school and making his life much more difficult than it needs to be...right?

We're going to be just fine. I'll be back to post again, I promise. Just wanted you guys to know everything that's been occupying my mind lately.


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If you get the chance, please check out my friend LaShell's blog at Not Your Typical Housewife. She's pregnant with her first baby, a little boy, and she's awesome all around! I'll be spotlighting her soon and maybe stealing her genius for a guest post since I'm a little preoccupied right now.

Also, enjoy some pictures of Mark and his daddy. :)

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Grabbing a handful of dirt...

...and throwing the dirt at his dad!

Today Daniel had a barbecue with some friends, and obviously Mark and I were there. We got covered in food and dirt and bubbles (the "stack-able" kind that stay around much longer than they should), and it so much fun. And messy. Damn, was it messy.

Crappy dinosaur-phone picture of bubbles that you can't see.
All the spots on the ground, those are them.

Anyway, Mark decided to stop taking naps a few weeks ago, and therefore he sleeps pretty early now. Around 8 o'clock, I pointed out that it was about his usual bedtime and that I should probably get him home, especially after a day of playing in the heat. He was starting to get to that "I hate everything" stage that only tired kids have perfected and no mom wants to deal with that even a minute longer than they can help, am I right?

I decided to wipe Mark down to the best of my ability in case he fell asleep in the car, which he often does. Because of his eczema, we have to use gentle soaps to ensure that his skin will not be all scaly the next day, and I had forgotten to bring it with us or to leave some there. I told Daniel that was I going to put Mark in his pajamas for the ride home; "If he falls asleep in the car, then at least I feel like he's decently clean and comfortable," I told him, "and if he doesn't, he'll get a bath as soon as we get there."

He looked at me and said, "That's a great idea, babe. You've got this mom thing figured out." And he said it so lovingly that I couldn't help but melt.

I don't, though. I don't know if anyone ever has this mom thing figured out. We learn as we go and every single moment is a surprise even if we planned it down to a "T"--our kids don't follow plans. And then someday there will be second babies and we'll have to plan all over again because human beings just insist on being individuals.

I really like that I make it seem that way, though. I'm happy to be a mom, even if an imperfect one. Maybe the joy that comes from really loving something (or someone) is enough.