I'm gonna be mushy for a minute, and you totally have to live with  it. (Aww, just kidding. You can overlook this if you really, really want to.)

Anyway, I just wanted to thank those of you who end up here on any given day, whether new to the blog or a regular visitor, and who leave behind kind words to encourage me in living this life. You are all so amazing! I don't know what I would do without you, or without this blog which has connected us.

The list of friends I have in real life has definitely dwindled, but it's thankfully starting to grow back up a little now that my "condition" has become a little more of a permanent thing. Do you know what I mean? I guess they needed it to settle in before they could accept it, I'm not really sure. And while I know that there are a few people who I will not be accepting back into my life, I'm thankful for a few of them. Even if just to talk to on Facebook.

Source: 24.media.tumblr.com via Heather on Pinterest

Not to mention the fact that everyone and their mother is pregnant all of a sudden. It's insane! There are quite a few girls who I already knew about, as their babies are due in the same month as Mark (and a few are the month before and after). But now a ton are expecting in the beginning of next year as well. I'm excited for all of them, but I'm with some of my other (non-pregnant) friends now: what the hell's in the water around here?

Anyway, you guys have helped me through a period in which I didn't even have that - acquaintances, I mean. People to connect to. A period in which I felt really alone. I made this blog in the hopes of getting my frustrations out when I had no one to really talk to, at least not every time I needed it, and luckily I found support along with it. I truly can't thank you enough.

This has been a hard time and I know there's a lot of difficulty left to face. I know Daniel and I are not always going to feel secure in what we've taken on and I know we're not going to have the best of everything for Mark. But I think we're really doing well for being, ya know, young parents. And I think we're going to be doing a bit better soon, considering Daniel has a ton of motivation for finding a better job now (and I do, too, once I'm done being pregnant and Mark's at least a few months old).

And even when things don't always work out perfectly, I just want him to feel loved. I know that if nothing else, there's going to be plenty of that. And I know that when things get tough, I can come here and rant about it and feel awesome knowing that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed sometimes, and I can appreciate the joys of having a family even when they drive me crazy.

I know that having a baby three weeks before 21 wasn't my plan and it's not exactly something I would've asked for, but it's an amazing feeling. I'm glad that it's happening, because I don't know when I would've ever felt ready to move on from where I was before. My life definitely wasn't heading in the best direction, and I believe Mark saved me from getting too far off track.

I love that: we're the reason he has a life and he's the reason we're no longer wasting ours.

We'll always be here to save each other.



PS: I have a whole list of news to share about Daniel and about my OB. Good news and bad news and hopeful news! But I have to wait a few more days to say some of it, because we're trying not to jinx anything (and other reasons...which I'll explain more when I share). Anyway, I'll be able to rant and rave about it Monday or Tuesday, so expect that!

A goal I had when starting this blog was to reach 100 followers. Because I have been blogging for a few years with no more than maybe 5-10 (though I was very off-and-on about it), I felt that this was going to be a difficult feat.

However, there are now 92 of you on GFC, and I can't believe I've gotten so close so quickly. You guys are awesome! I hope to eventually make it much further than I ever anticipated, and to meet more of you awesome bloggers in the process.

As far as comments go, everything’s been pretty fair, though I haven't had a ton of return visitors. Unless most of you are lurkers; it’s okay, I’m pretty bad about that myself sometimes. But since I have seen a few of your names more than once, I’d like to point out that it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

So here’s a huge thank you to:
Kathy at My dishwasher's possessed!
Steph from Our Journey
And Jen, who writes A book, a girl, a journey!

I'm also going to mention Terri, Tracy, and MelissaAggie98 for actually commenting more than once, and saying something other than what's sort of come to be an obligation when you first follow a blog. You know what I’m talking about - "I found you [here]...following! Visit me back." But most of them never return and then that's all I have of them. So you guys rock for doing more than that!

This isn't to say that I don't appreciate the rest of you; I just wanted to let these bloggers know that they really stood out to me. To everyone else, I'm loving your blogs...and I'm sorry if I'm a lurker.

Just keep being awesome, all of you.

Source: misswallflower.tumblr.com via Taylor on Pinterest

PS: Sorry I've been changing my blog so much. I have a lot of time on my hands right now, nothing to do, and a perfectionist personality...and I just can't decide I like anything. I'm not going to say it won't happen again any time soon, because I'd probably be a liar. Also, this blog is still new - that's a good excuse right? Bear with me!

First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you to all of the new followers. It's been so lovely meeting all of you and actually receiving comments on the posts I write. It's refreshing after my past attempts at blogging, which spanned over the course of years and yet were never really read.


So today I drove down to my college and finally took the first steps into changing my major. I've been talking about it for a while now as I've been unhappy with English from the very beginning of my college career, even though it's always been my best subject.

Source: mycollegesandcareers.tumblr.com 
via Sarah on Pinterest

Here's the thing: about a year ago I walked into the college's Child Development Center and asked about volunteering. I didn't really have a reason and it wasn't going toward a job or school or anything, I just felt a need to try.

Basically the director told me that I had to take a basic Ch Dev class with the school and then I could come back and apply. I took the class, researched and wrote the speech for a pretty badass debate topic, passed with an awesome grade, and fell in love. I have wanted to delve further into the field ever since, but I never actually took the necessary steps. Until today!

I'm so happy I talked to the counselor. I've been feeling incredibly defeated lately, as my grades haven't been impressive (I was too unhappy with what I was doing to do it well), and I felt like I was pretty far behind. But I'm much further ahead than I thought I was, and actually only have maybe two or three more semesters of classes to do before I can graduate - and only because I'm planning to do it a little bit slowly, what with the pregnancy and the new baby and all.

Seriously...
Source: google.com
via Megan on Pinterest

I'm happy with my choice and I'm happy that I'm actually doing what I want to do. I started college before I really knew who I was and I definitely wasn't ready for it, but I at least feel a little refreshed today. I'm so ready for this!

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In other news, my bedroom TV is currently hooked up with the one in the living room so that I can watch Netflix without having the Wii hooked up in here - the only thing is, I have to watch whatever's playing in that room. My sister is currently in search mode typing in things like "Tay sucks" (that's me!) and "Barney" and other children's shows. And now we're watching Yo Gabba Gabba. My sister is sixteen.

My family is weird.

You know what’s disappointing? Not being able to eat what you want. I can’t have dairy without puking for the rest of the day, and I don’t even have morning sickness anymore! And of course I’ve been craving cereal just because I can’t have real milk, and the taste doesn’t satisfy with any substitutions. It’s disappointing, to say the least.

Also, I hate pregnancy dreams. Why is it that all of a sudden I’m having some off-the-wall or terrifying dream on a nightly basis? Before this, odd dreams only cycled when I was terribly sick, but now I wake up constantly with my fears played out, new ones established, or with odd memories that I just never needed indexed. It’s odd.

Last night’s was more frustrating than anything: I dreamed I was walking across town with the twins (they weren’t mine – my dad’s girlfriend has twin boys and I for some reason conjured them up as infants) and was carrying a car seat in each hand. Of course there wasn’t a stroller, and I was constantly dropping things. My hands were too full to retrieve the things that were falling, and the children needed to be fed at the same time. Then one of the car seats broke so that I had to physically hold one boy in my arms and juggle the others’ seat at the same time. I woke up before I got to where I was going, still frustrated over the fact that everything had just fallen out of my bag.

I think a lot of my dreams come to be because of the fact that I’m so freaking nervous. Although I’m only halfway to holding this baby, the closer and more excited we get, the more scared I am inside. I hope I’m not a terrible mother. Daniel reassures me constantly, and I know that I have a general knowledge of what I’m supposed to do – I won’t be one of those mothers who has never held a child until their delivery – but I’ve never had one constantly in my presence, who is my complete responsibility. I feel completely unprepared. But I know I can do this. And I hope I can do it without making any huge mistakes.

Does other peoples’ behavior during your pregnancy confuse you? Half of the people I used to see on a regular basis are no longer in my life, and then a ton of people that I hadn’t spoken to in years all of a sudden want to talk to me on a daily basis. Not that I mind too much – it’s nice to have people who are excited with you when you’re expecting your life to change so drastically, and to know who your true friends are before you’re responsible for another life (and who you’re bringing into it).

But then there’s the touching; I swear, since I first got the news people have wanted to touch my stomach, as if the minute it happened there were magic in there. I mean…no, that’s not what I mean. Of course something that I have so much love for is going to feel like magic to me.

What I mean is: what were they expecting to feel at six weeks? I understand that we all get excited about babies, but I’m sorry, there are times that I just don’t want you rubbing all over my midsection. We’re not lovers. It wouldn’t be acceptable if I weren’t pregnant, so I don’t know why it should be now that I am – especially when the baby isn’t even moving. I have stand there all awkwardly while they try to feel for something that they aren’t even capable of feeling, because it’s too early or the baby’s sleeping or whatever. It’s weird. At least wait for me to say, “The baby’s kicking!” and invite you, I beg.

I can’t wait until we find out what we’re having. I can’t wait to call my baby a he or a she, to decide on a name that I can refer to it as, instead of just saying ‘the baby’ every ten seconds. I don’t want to call my child an ‘it’ so I avoid it as much as possible, but ‘the baby’ gets to me a mouthful if you have to say it three times in one sentence. Not to mention the fact that it sounds so…impersonal. Knowing will make it easier to connect with my child, too. I’ll finally be able to start collecting things for him/her that aren’t ‘gender neutral’ and to better picture what I’ve signed myself up for.

This little one kicks constantly now, especially when I’m trying to sleep. Sometimes they’re strong enough to be a little uncomfortable – not painful but to where it freaks me out a little. That’s mostly because I have some strange fears, though, like the fact that I don’t like people touching my spine because I picture it snapping, and so the kicking makes me feel like I’m being bruised and etc. from the inside. It’s just weird. And now you know that I’m weird. Okay.

I’m totally excited that I’ve established new followers and received comments in the last few days. If you’re one of them, you’re awesome, and it’s very likely I’ve followed you back – but if I didn’t please tell me, because I meant to.

And for those of you who are just visiting, comment and tell me that you were here as well, and whether or not you’re following. I’ll make sure to pay you a visit in return. I'm a huge blog nerd and I'd love to check yours out.