Come October: Week 22

Come October, we won't remember ever having wanted anything more than we do you.

Photo via Pinterest, editing is obviously mine.

It's Thursday - I'm 22 weeks today.

I started to write "I'm 22 weeks along" but for some reason it always bothers me to see the 'along' in there. Not that this sounds better, really, because I'm much older than 22 weeks, but it's just one of my quirks. Maybe...yeah, it's probably just me.

I decided to name this, considering I'm going to be doing it every week for...a while. I finally settled on 'Come October' since Little One is due in Oct of this year, because it's always been my favorite month, and because I'm already going crazy wanting to hold him/her.

How perfect is that? Well, I like it.

I only have to wait two more weeks until I know whether LO is a girl or a boy (as long as s/he's cooperating!) and I am going insane with anticipation.


On another note, let me just say that I'm so happy I gave up my bad habits for this baby.

My biggest problem was smoking - which I had been doing (quite heavily) since I was definitely not old enough to purchase cigarettes for myself. And then a couple of days after finding out I was pregnant (I had slowed down dramatically, but not stopped) I woke up and just decided that I wasn't going to anymore, and it wasn't the battle that it had been during previous quitting attempts. It wasn't challenge. It was like the day I decided to start: quick, smooth, and habit in no time.

Source: 4ormat-asset.s3.amazonaws.com 
via Hannah on Pinterest

As it were, I was young. I was stupid. And I told myself that I wasn't ever going to stop, pregnant or not. After all, I had friends who had delivered healthy babies, albeit small, after smoking the lengths of their pregnancies, so why shouldn't I?

But after I started thinking about the life inside of me, after I started falling head over heels in love, it felt like the cruelest thing I could ever do. I was amazed at how easy quitting was when I knew I wasn't just in charge of my own body anymore, but my baby's as well. And I can't believe I ever thought there was any other option.

I look back on who I was just a few short months ago and I'm really proud of myself. While I do feel incredibly guilty for those few days that I considered continuing, I'm happy that I came to the right conclusions and made the right decisions in the end. It truly comforts me knowing that I will always (at least try to) do the same in the future.

Hopefully this is proof that I won't be the terrible mom I've been afraid of becoming.