A post about Mark


I'm currently sitting in class with the worst headache ever. I'm a trooper.

I bring my laptop now because I could never keep up with the slides while writing things down, and I type much faster than I write by hand. Now, though, either she's finally slowed down or I type way more quickly than I knew I did. I think it's the first, and I'm pretty sure she does it just to f*** with me. It's the only thing that makes sense.

Yeah. So I've got all this extra time between slides while everyone write-write-writes, and the only answer is to type something up here, right? Probably not.

I still have a lot that I need to update here. I never finished fixing the layout and never finished talking about everything that has happened in my absence. Hint: it's a lot. Mark is almost--

(Wait, wait--she's got another slide--aaand she went through it too quickly for me to write down. Told you she's f'ing with me.)

--Anyway, Mark is almost 18 months old and I can't believe how different everything is now. I'm working on changing so many things in my life and getting things in order so that he can have everything he needs--and hopefully most of the things he wants--in life. He's my main motivation to become a better person, and I'm excited to be able to show him someday that I did this for him. I'll show him that suffering through time and stress issues while going to college with a newborn was worth it, and that he can do anything he wants in life. I'll show him that he was wanted and loved and that he was worth everything I had to go through to support him properly. I'll show him that he was worth giving up everything that I had to in order to give him this life.

He's become this separate human being with his own personality. It's incredibly to think that so long ago he needed me to do everything for him...don't get me wrong, I still have to get him his food and his juice and change his diapers and talk him into using the potty and put him to bed (okay, this sounds worse now that I'm spelling it out, WHEN DO I GET A BREAK!), but now he also wants to feed himself, and take off his own clothes, and run into the street alone, and remove his own diapers (when they're completely full and then hide in the corner of the kitchen in that area behind the table--sometimes with his head, JUST HIS HEAD, behind the curtains so that I supposedly can't see him and clean up the mess).

Sometimes he's absolutely independent and totally can't stop long enough to kiss mom--until he hits his head and he needs mommy's kisses. Then it's all mommy all the time...or at least for 3.5 seconds, then he's running around frantically all over again, wondering what's left to destroy in our tornado of a house.

Kidding. Toddlers are fun. (I'm only being half-sarcastic.)

He's like us in so many ways and completely different in others. It's incredible.  He can work an iPad better than some adults I know. He has to be the one to open and close the garage door whenever we go anywhere or come home, so I've practically retired the opener we keep in the car. He's funny, he's smart, he has his own tastes in food and in shows.

Let me just say that Mark is close to obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba and Mickey Mouse Club; we bought him the Live DVD (of Yo Gabba Gabba) after we took him to see it live in March, and now every time it comes on he gets the biggest smile on his face. Seeing them in person astounded him; he was frozen, just staring at them on stage, unsure of how to react. He had an incredible time and got to bring home some toys that he's so attached to now.

It felt good to give him that opportunity--and that's what I was talking about before. I want to offer things like this to him as much as possible. I want to see the joy on his face when he gets to see his favorite things in person. I want him to remember his childhood as an exciting period, and most of all, I want him to feel loved.

Mark is my whole world, all of quirks and his stubborn attitude included. I don't know what I would do without him.


(I don't even know if this post makes sense; I feel like I've gone in a million different directions. Why am I about to hit the "Publish" button this without proofreading? Will edit later, don't abuse me over this.)

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